Frazer Blog

The Four Tendencies: Which One Are You?

by | Jan 31, 2018 | For Families

A woman smiling

Do you meet your inner and outer expectations?

Best-selling author Gretchen Rubin wrote the book The Four Tendencies for readers to learn how they meet or resist expectations. Outer expectations are expectations others have of you, while inner expectations are expectations you have for yourself.

Take the free quiz to find out which of the four tendencies you are. Then, read on to learn ways to improve your professional and personal life habits. By learning your tendency, you can better take care of yourself and the families you serve.


An upholder meets both inner and outer expectations. Rubin told Forbes she’s an upholder and it’s one of the rarer tendencies. Upholders may have too high of expectations for others; it’s important to remember others have different tendencies. Try to see things from their perspective so your staff can find the most efficient way to work together.

For example, let’s say you’re a funeral home owner delegating tasks to your staff. Consider everyone’s tendency and assign tasks in a way that makes sense to them. If they’re a questioner, clearly explain why the task is important and give them some creative freedom. Try not to get impatient with their questions; they’re just trying to understand the reasoning behind the task.


Questioners, one of the more common tendencies, meet inner expectations but resist outer expectations. They question the meaning behind tasks and want to know why it’s important. People may think they ask too many questions, but they just want to know the “how” and “why” behind the task.

For example, if you’re a questioner, it helps to determine why and how to accomplish a task for your funeral home. If you want to offer pet memorial services, ask yourself why this would benefit your funeral home and how to achieve it. Clearly plan it out so you understand why each step is important and how to complete it.


Obligers are the other most common tendency; they meet outer expectations but resist inner expectations. They easily meet expectations from others but have a difficult time meeting their personal expectations.

After taking the quiz, I discovered I’m an obliger. It helps to determine ways to be accountable for your personal expectations. For example, self-care may be a struggle for obligers. If you’re trying to exercise regularly, tell your family members and friends about it. Or, write down a workout schedule and share it with your funeral home’s staff, so they know when you’re available. This way, your inner expectations turn into outer expectations, as well.


Rebels are the other rarer tendency; they resist both inner and outer expectations. They don’t like to do things when people ask them to.

If you’re a rebel, find your own self-motivation method to complete important tasks for both others and yourself. For example, funeral directors can focus on making the funeral as meaningful and memorable as possible for the grieving family.

Which of the four tendencies are you? Share your quiz results in the comments below!


Submit a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may also like

Sign up for our newsletter and get tips, trends, news, and more sent directly to your inbox!

Frazer Consultants

Frazer Consultants

Pin It on Pinterest